Britain’s dads have admitted they’re all still pretending to agree with their missuses as the campaign to ban the pornography they all watch gathers pace.
Terry Chips, a dad with fifteen years of dadding experience under his belt, told reporters:
“My wife has got a bee in her bonnet that our kids are being subjected to unpleasant online pornography and she wants the government to step in and do something about it. Because I could do without the hassle, I pretend to agree with her even though I enjoy watching teenage girls getting bummed when she’s gone to bed. If they do ban some pornography, I hope they don’t ban the bit I watch. If they do, I’ll pretend I agree with the government’s decision if my wife asks me about it.”
Meanwhile, dad of three Terry Fishfingers admitted he’s been pretending to agree with his wife for the entirety of his married life.
“My three girls are ten, twelve and fifteen respectively,” he said. “Ever since they were born, my wife has been banging on that it’s disgusting that they’re growing up in a world full of Internet porn and she thinks the government should do something about this. Of course, no father wants his daughters to become prostitutes or porn stars, but that doesn’t mean we’re not happy to watch other people’s daughters engaging in lewd sex acts, especially if they’re good-looking Eastern Europeans who can accommodate monstrous appendages up their back passages. But for the sake of marital harmony, I have to pretend to agree with my wife, even though I don’t.”
Psychologist Maria Beefburgers sympathises with Britain’s dads.
“Dads are caught on the horns of a dilemma,” she said. “On the one hand they enjoy masturbating over videos of sex-trafficked Russians being anally violated, and on the other they have to be seen to agree with their wives. One can only hope that if the government clamps down on the pornography they secretly enjoy, they won’t also clamp down on the things dads used to wank over such as a dirty magazines and catalogues. We have to leave them with something or we’ll have millions of sexually-frustrated murderers on our hands.”