A new report published today by the Royal Society of Important Reports has revealed that wearing ridiculous spectacles increases creativity in the creative sector.
The report – which studied professionals working in IT, Graphic Design, Advertising, Programming and Cupcake Design Technology – also found that dressing like a mental patient, riding to work on a skateboard and pretending to enjoy playing computer games made twenty years ago significantly enhances the parts of the brain used to come up with things like them fucking meerkats and that new ITV logo wot looks a bit like an arse.
“We always assumed that wearing silly little bow ties and taking your breaks in a colourful play-pen full of toys despite the fact you’re an adult had no effect on your ability to use Photoshop or drum up another way to piss people off with that fat bastard Go Compare man, but we were wrong,” says Clifton Suspension, a spokesman for the Royal Society of Important Reports. “It turns out that a pair of ridiculous spectacles, a misguided obsession with the 1980s and a walrus moustache raises your self-esteem and that in turn focuses your mind when coming up with yet another grizzled space marine computer game that the world doesn’t necessarily want or need. If you dressed normally and didn’t behave like a teenager well into your thirties you would still be able to come up with yet another grizzled space marine computer game, of course, but it wouldn’t be half as grizzled or space mariney as it would be if you spent your spare time taking Instagram picture of your dinner whilst wearing a wee little hat and a Ghostbusters t-shirt.
“We have no idea why this is the case, but the facts appear to back it up. If you want to get ahead in today’s creative industries, you have to look and behave like an absolute fucking twat.”