“Joanna Lumley DOES Have A Plastic Arsehole … And I Can PROVE It!”
Disturbed former mental asylum resident Jed Spaghetti has sensationally revealed that the actress Joanna Lumley DOES have a plastic arsehole. Speaking to reporters from the upstairs window of the house … Continue reading
Careers Advice For Budding Internet Journalists
In this fast-paced age, no communication device is more immediate than social networking phenomenon, Twitter. Whether you want to advertise your crappy pop-up cake business, bore your six disinterested followers … Continue reading
Hey! How About Buying A Book Or A Sex Pamphlet?
I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve got a book and a couple of filthy sex pamphlets available to buy on Amazon through their Kindle publishing wotnot. I’ll soon be … Continue reading
Daily Mail Tries To Suppress Feelings Towards Amanda Thatcher
The granddaughter of the late Baroness Thatcher has aroused stirrings in the loins of the Daily Mail. However, as her appearance yesterday was as a mourner at the former Prime … Continue reading
Celebrities React To The Boston Bombings
The celebrity world has added its support to the victims of the Boston bombings by writing short messages in scrambled English on Twitter. American pornographic actress Buttsy Fuckbuster took to … Continue reading
Nans Offer To Sort Out World’s Problems
All the world’s nans have suggested that there’s nothing that can’t be sorted out with a lovely cup of tea and some ham sandwiches. Eunice Pickles, a spokesnan for the … Continue reading
American Government Finally Admits To Killing Elvis
The American government announced today that the conspiracy lunatics were right all along and they did indeed explode Elvis on a toilet in 1977 after the Rock ‘n’ Roll legend … Continue reading
Internet Pretends To Be Offended By Justin Bieber Comments
The Internet has reacted with feigned fury after teen pop sensation Justin Bieber had the temerity to suggest Anne Frank would have been a fan of his had she not … Continue reading
Internet Reminded That Nick Griffin Is Still A Cunt
As fights break out across the towns and villages of the once-harmonious land of the World Wide Web, Internet elders have appealed for calm in the wake of Baroness Thatcher’s … Continue reading
Generation Of Elderly People Turned Into ‘Utility Scroungers’ By Winter Fuel Allowance Payments
Every surface of Ethel Banbury’s three bedroom bungalow sparks and crackles with electricity. The smell of natural gas hangs heavy in every room. Sheet lightning tumbles from cupboards and drawers … Continue reading
Evil Benefits Scrounger Boasts Of Life Of Toast And Value Beans
“I’ve been unemployed for five years,” chortles Sid Potter as he sits in the salubrious surroundings of his taxpayer-funded bedsit in Manchester. “I get a hundred and six quid a … Continue reading
Time Traveller Returns: “Our Children Have Murdered Us All.”
The world’s first time-traveller has returned from the future and shocked the world by revealing that our children will kill us all in fifteen years time. “I stepped out of … Continue reading
Explorers Discover Source Of All Facebook Bullshit
“I knew this rubbish had to be coming from somewhere,” says expedition leader Chaffington Fincham-Fynch after his team successfully discovered the source of all the crap that keeps turning up … Continue reading
Theresa May Admits She’s Run Out Of ACME Products
The Home Secretary has admitted there is now very little chance of getting rid of the rogue Islamic cleric Abu Qatada after exhausting every single product in the ACME company … Continue reading
